madfoodscientist

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Happy-ish

I know it's been a long time since I last posted something...I've been busy working! I started my placement last week and it's been really good so far...today was slightly boring!! Been staring at a pH meter for pretty much the whole day!! I like being at work though, everytime I think about going home I feel weird...I think what am I going to do this evening...then think of my empty flat and it just gets me down...I don't know what it is.
I had a very nice surprise when I got home today though....my CEx book has arrived!! I wrote a testimonial for Barry Cooper, one of the guys who wrote the CEx book and to say thank you he sent me the book. Whats wikid is that he signed it :) hehe, he said " I thank God for the way He's changed your life. Keep running the race!!!" Wooooohoooo. CEx gave me sooo much, I was so happy to help out!!
Anyway I'm off, tired...not used to working yet!!

Sunday, August 13, 2006

I feel bad but I don't think I can keep doing the 365, it was possible when I was at uni and even when I was at home with mum but being alone with Zarah takes up pretty much all my time, by the time she's sleeping, I've got a couple of hours of Issy time then it's bed time for me too. Very sorry. But I'll be posting really cool things that happen, not everyday but whenever really cool things happen. I need to find a name for it hehe.
My cool things for today were:

Church, yay I love church, I loved the worship and I loved the preach, God is awesome!!
Barbie, coming to sit next to me after church to see if I was ok and to give me a few encouraging words.
Lunch at Richard's. The food was good!! I was stuffed! The fellowship with other christians.
Zarah!!! She was sooo funny, made her mummy proud...everyone was Richard...are you ticklish?? Seeing Zarah with Scott and Barbie, thinking, we've only known them for a week!! Zarah calling Scott Milo from the tweenies lol!!
Me sitting between Karen and Caroline, feeling safe and loved, feeling the friendship even if i've only known Caroline for a week. Haven't felt like that for ages!

Thank you Lord for all those moments, each one of them being a blessing from You!

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Thanks

Just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone who's given me advice and everyone who's been praying for me and Calvin. I'm still praying for God to help me during this hard time, for Him to give me strength, courage and an open heart.
Thanks again

Friday, August 11, 2006

Help!

Yesterday evening,I finally got to talk to Calvin, by the time the conversation was over, we were over too :( I was kind of waiting for it to happen,he was trying to get me to do the dirty work by giving all the excuses to do so, but in the end he did it. He's been gone for more than a year now (he's in America), last time I saw him was in January and the next I might of seen him was December but that wasn't totally sure. I've managed to cope with him not being around for a year, ok I did see him twice in this year but that was 2 weeks each holiday, and coming back from those holidays was sooo hard, waving him goodbye at the airport and getting on that plane, it broke my heart.
Anyway I'll try not to get into too much detail on this because I know that anyone can read it. The reasons why he thought it would be best for us to part was because of the circumstances, basically him being away, studying not having time to keep in touch. But also because of his plans, he's got the next 5 years planned out...Job, keep studying and moving to either Asia or the Middle East. He doesn't want to inflict moving on Zarah, he says it wouldn't be fair on her, and I think that's a pretty fair point to make.
I've been praying a lot about this and asked a few people to pray for me. I know that God is totally in control of what is happening. I prayed for Him to tell me what He wants from me, what He wants me to do about this. This might sound like a dumb question but how do I know what He wants me to do? How do I differentiate between God speaking to me and what I want to do about it?
Yesterday when Calvin told me all this I thought fair enough, I was angry, sad and not up for a fight.
Today I woke up thinking I can't just let him go. Ok, he has a fair point with Zarah but that's 3 years down the line and I think that we should cross that bridge when we get to it.
Anyway all comments are very welcome, it's the reason I actually wrote this post.
I love Calvin so much and I really thought that this was it, this is with whom God wants me to be with, and even though we were so far apart I loved him and cared for him with all my heart. I'm not saying it wasn't difficult, oh it soo was, but I managed with God's strength.
Ok I better go
Thanks

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Thanks Guys

Today I woke up and got ready to go to church...as I was walking in the car park I got quite scared...first time I was going to church in Reading with Zarah...will anyone I know be there..will it be ok. I walked in, my heart racing, very scared and saw a familiar back...yay it was Anna!!! One person I know I don't have to be scared anymore just follow her around were my thoughts lol.
The worship was great...that's pretty much all I can say...Icouldn't really listen to what was being preached as I was at the back of the hall playing with Zarah. I was a bit sad that I couldn't follow what was being said but at least I was there.
After church we went to Scott and Barbie's house for lunch, we had a great time Zarah and me and I was so happy that everyone enjoyed her, I didn't expect them to not like her but they liked her so much. She was a really good girl, wanting to wash her hands all the time. Think she washed them like 10 times or something. I had an amazing time playing catch and just chatting, watching Zarah play.
I just wanted to say a big thanks to everyone who was there, Ed, Drew, Anna, Nick, Tim, Scott, Barbie and the others. You have no idea how much I needed to be around people. I was feeling so isolated and I just felt so welcome, Thanks. Walking back I thought I need to blog about this because it's just so nice and I even nearly cried thinking of how nice my day had been thanks to these amazing people.
God answered my prayers, and I'm so happy.
The thought of this new week is still very overwhelming but I know that I'm welcome round Barbie's anytime and that's reasuring.
Thanks again guys!!